Days gone by....

There was something so innocent about growing up in the 70's. A time in which playing from dusk to dawn was the norm stopping merely to eat and be back on your way again. It was a time where music styles were changing as well as family units. Mom's werent tolerating as much and were stepping out into the workforce. I was a product of these times. I remember all too well standing on the doorstep of my suburban San Carlos home of which I had lived all my life and saying goodbye to life as I knew it. My Mom had finally had enough of my Dad and his womanizing ways. But strangely enough, the only trauma I knew was giving up my house, not my Dad. He was never around anyway. I have no recollection of my Dad ever going outside with me or my brothers to play football or ride bikes. In fact, he rarely was home. He definitely was not my Uncle who really was my role model for what a good father should be. One who took us to the desert and the river and was there to laugh and joke with us. But my Dad preferred another life. One in which he would pay dearly for in the end. I call it the wine, women and song lifestyle....

I remembered when my parents got divorced. Everyone was so sorry. I was like why? I had already learned at the tender age of 11 that what you dont have, you dont miss. An absent father is what it is and I couldve cared less cuz how can you lose something that isnt there? As least that was my logic for all these years. But losing my house, my friends, my neighborhood was devastating to me at the time. But life has a funny way of placing you where you need to be and giving you the lessons you need and I will always be grateful for this time in my life. As a kid, I was always silly, laughing, playing and so full of life. And as these events and others began to unfold, my perception of the glass is always full no matter what and really believing that was born.

I cant quite say what had me look up the old 70's song by ELO, Telephone Line recently. I think I was on an old school kick of different songs that reminded me of certain periods growing up. Songs do that for me as do perfumes/colognes. They remind me of certain people and times. But why I landed on that exact song, I dont know. It has always been a melancholic song but one in which I seemed to totally relate to and I added it my play list. Ironically enough, Ive heard it several times driving in the car and something possessed me to buy ELO's greatest hits this weekend. (I know laugh at me for liking their music but hey they have some great songs!!! lol)

So now driving playing old ELO songs, I hit Telephone Line and it finally dawned on me who this song was for. It was for my Dad. We had somewhat of a relationship after the divorce but never saw him during high school. During college, saw him for some of the holidays as a 'good' daughter would do but I remember vividly ready to have my first child and him calling me not to ask how I was, but to whine about yet another surgery. (Self inflicted in my eyes due to choices already made) I remember deciding right then and there that I didnt want this selfish person in my life that I was done playing the 'game'. I think he saw my first child as a baby once but never saw him again after that even though I had another child. He died without me saying goodbye. I was at work when the call came and I remember feeling numb at the words spoken to me but...

So all these years later, I hear the lyrics to this song, and realize that they are for him and always were. I would very much like to talk to my Dad but it is too late. I know what I would say if he would just pick up the telephone line......