Monday, May 4, 2009

Days gone by....

There was something so innocent about growing up in the 70's. A time in which playing from dusk to dawn was the norm stopping merely to eat and be back on your way again. It was a time where music styles were changing as well as family units. Mom's werent tolerating as much and were stepping out into the workforce. I was a product of these times. I remember all too well standing on the doorstep of my suburban San Carlos home of which I had lived all my life and saying goodbye to life as I knew it. My Mom had finally had enough of my Dad and his womanizing ways. But strangely enough, the only trauma I knew was giving up my house, not my Dad. He was never around anyway. I have no recollection of my Dad ever going outside with me or my brothers to play football or ride bikes. In fact, he rarely was home. He definitely was not my Uncle who really was my role model for what a good father should be. One who took us to the desert and the river and was there to laugh and joke with us. But my Dad preferred another life. One in which he would pay dearly for in the end. I call it the wine, women and song lifestyle....

I remembered when my parents got divorced. Everyone was so sorry. I was like why? I had already learned at the tender age of 11 that what you dont have, you dont miss. An absent father is what it is and I couldve cared less cuz how can you lose something that isnt there? As least that was my logic for all these years. But losing my house, my friends, my neighborhood was devastating to me at the time. But life has a funny way of placing you where you need to be and giving you the lessons you need and I will always be grateful for this time in my life. As a kid, I was always silly, laughing, playing and so full of life. And as these events and others began to unfold, my perception of the glass is always full no matter what and really believing that was born.

I cant quite say what had me look up the old 70's song by ELO, Telephone Line recently. I think I was on an old school kick of different songs that reminded me of certain periods growing up. Songs do that for me as do perfumes/colognes. They remind me of certain people and times. But why I landed on that exact song, I dont know. It has always been a melancholic song but one in which I seemed to totally relate to and I added it my play list. Ironically enough, Ive heard it several times driving in the car and something possessed me to buy ELO's greatest hits this weekend. (I know laugh at me for liking their music but hey they have some great songs!!! lol)

So now driving playing old ELO songs, I hit Telephone Line and it finally dawned on me who this song was for. It was for my Dad. We had somewhat of a relationship after the divorce but never saw him during high school. During college, saw him for some of the holidays as a 'good' daughter would do but I remember vividly ready to have my first child and him calling me not to ask how I was, but to whine about yet another surgery. (Self inflicted in my eyes due to choices already made) I remember deciding right then and there that I didnt want this selfish person in my life that I was done playing the 'game'. I think he saw my first child as a baby once but never saw him again after that even though I had another child. He died without me saying goodbye. I was at work when the call came and I remember feeling numb at the words spoken to me but...

So all these years later, I hear the lyrics to this song, and realize that they are for him and always were. I would very much like to talk to my Dad but it is too late. I know what I would say if he would just pick up the telephone line......

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Life and Its Lessons....

Ahh...Life and its lessons. Why is it that some seem so ridiculously easy while others seem to leave you dazed and confused with an altered mental status? If I could only answer that question with some sense of rhyme or reason, it might all make some sense. But there is no rhyme or reason in a lesson except that one is weak in that area and needs to shore up the belt. Plain and simple, cut and dry.

My biggest lesson as of late seems to keep repeating itself. I used to shake my head in sadness at my brother because he always seemed to hit the wall at 90 mph while Id cruise up to the wall and go around. Now, it seems I keep hitting the wall at 100 mph and then get up and and do it all over again... Isn't there a saying that goes something like this, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results". Well I guess I am insane based on this definition....lol

I have learned one thing though and that is some people are like swirling tornadoes in their own created whirlwind of energy. And me being the crazy adrenaline junkie that I am, I walk right up to the blazing tornado like a tornado chaser thinking how wild is this! Before you know it, I am sucked into this crazy vortex of energy and it is of no surprise when I get swirled around and around and get pounded that when I break free, I am beat up, dazed and confused going wow, wtf just happened to me?!?!

Uh, Sister, get a clue. Most people are selfish, out for themselves and have more lessons than one could ever complete even if they sat in school their entire life! So why hit the wall at 100 miles an hour? Why even bother going near these types of people who merely are energy vampires. My incredible intuition always spots them in an instance anyway. But my morbid curiosity draws me ever closer like a moth going to the light.

Perhaps, that was the lesson needed at this stage of my life is that I need to stay away from people with more than carry on luggage. As my dear friend stated, "Everyone has baggage, I am just looking for a matching set." I think part of my problem is at heart, I am a very sweet, genuine soul. And no matter how tough my exterior, the soft inner core is always sought after by those that do no inner work of their own to achieve that level of kindness.

My other lesson to learn is I can do nothing to help someone. As much as my heart might bleed for someone, they need to help them self as well as want to help them self. I recently met a Mom at hockey whose sweet 5 year old son was crashed out on the bench of the snack bar table. As we got to talking it turns out he cant sleep at all when his Dad is away on business. Apparently he is a very sensitive soul who cries when others get hurt. It made me flash back to when I was a child, and being the youngest with two older brothers, if they got hurt or in trouble, I would sit and cry for them.

Despite my beginnings, somewhere along the line, I garnered a pretty tough exterior with the ability to state what I think. One of the reasons being that people take advantage of kind hearted people and it didnt take me long to figure that one out. I also acquired a thicker skin from my working environment and from being a manager. It would be enlightening for me to hear what those who arent that close to me think of me. And what would be more fun to see is if I really gave a damn what the hell they thought...hahaha

But no matter how tough I appear on the outside, inside I am still the same sweet soul who sometimes cries with families when their loved one is sick and dying or someone is telling me a touching story about their life. To me it is not a weakness to be kind. What is a weakness is not being grateful to those who have crossed my path regardless of what they have done to me or regardless of the lesson they hand me. Perhaps, that is my life lesson of the moment, to be grateful for this past year even though most of the situations were hurtful and to completely understand my psychology as to the repetitive pattern that seemingly haunts me... And also to drive up to the wall going 100+ mph and go around it. But I must say going 100 miles an hour and hitting that wall in a porsche carrera is a feeling like no other!! hahaha

"The more one judges, the less one loves."- Honore de Balzac

Friday, February 6, 2009

Been working on....

For as much as some of my blogs seem very superficial as of late, within I am always pondering the meaning of life, the universe and the lessons I need to learn. I truly believe in my heart that each of us makes a difference in this world that if we truly knew it, there wouldnt be the ridiculous mental suffering that we put ourselves through.....

For the past week, Ive been working on a blog which has really been adding to the multi facets of my own psychology but most importantly is being written to help a friend that truly needs it. Now whether this friend will get it or even read it, only time will tell. But write it I will. I honestly believe we run into people for a reason and half the fun for me is figuring out why!

My main purpose in life is to serve others. And not in the sense of being a slave to someone emotionally, mentally or physically. But in the sense to be there for my fellow brethern even when I dont feel like it! Many years ago, on a warm summer evening, I met the author Dannion Brinkely in person and listened to his story firsthand. And as I listened to his story, it all came to me that each of us is here to help others, not to be out for ourselves every second of the day. And as I listened to Dannion, he said something along the lines, it is the little stuff we do for people that really matters. Like a smile or an opening of the door. That was such a profound statement and has been with me ever since.

I hope each person I run into, I make a difference in their life regardless. That is why I love my job. Ive been blessed to work in an environment that each and every day has me counting my blessings.....So for my friends that follow my blog that are not subscribed but have written me on the side, I hope to be somewhat inspirational in the weeks to come.....

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."- Buddha

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Whoa Dog!!

Whoa dog was the first thought that came to mind when I read this online article!

http://news.aol.com/article/woman-aims-for-worlds-largest-implants/331011

And of course the second thing that came to mind was dont women in Brazil want to have the roundest booties rather than biggest breasts?!?! I also have to admit I quickly looked for the photos that were attached to the article so I could 'check it' out myself....lol Now I can see you doing the same...shhhh....I wont tell anyone!

But I honestly can not imagine having a 38 triple K bra size. I mean how the hell could one afford custom bras? The article neglected to mention this small detail!! And over two quarts of fluid on each side and that amount while at a triple FFF?!? The term in your face takes on a whole new meaning when used in this context....

And as I sit here pondering the fate of her poor husband, hmm.....11 surgeries times at least 7500 bucks a pop, wow, he could be buying the toys of a lifetime instead of having to shake everytime he goes to sleep at night should these puppies decided to unleash and smother him while in la la land!! Oh man and what if one pops? Just think of the floodbusters cost!!!! Oh and think of all the weekly massages in order to maintain 'back' health.....Dude, this was one expensive broad you took on is all I can say!!! Now guys, I know, I know what you are thinking they might be good for but come on now......lmao

Being I love trivia, another interesting thought came to mind as I type this mindless blog, what are the biggest implants that you've personally seen? If you ask me that question, Id have to answer 800cc and on a woman who couldnt of been more than 100 lbs!!! Whoa Dog!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Gotta Love Texans!!

I was at the hockey rink waiting for the game to start when I read this article. Hysterical to say the least! Apparently, some crazy fun people, I can only imagine the age, decided to hack into computerized road signs and change the message....

But honestly, who would think of changing the message to this though?!?! Zombies In Area! Run ! I mean was this a person or persons who love horror movies? Or were they just intelligent enough to not change the sign to something more insidious in the event that they got caught? And who was the journalist who wrote in the below linked news article that stated there were no actual zombies sighted?!?! Say what?!?!? Are Zombies even real?!?? lmao

As you can see, I have lots of unanswered questions since this story is very deep! However, I would like to thank the journalist who was stuck with this assignment and made this article noteworthy right down to the Department of Transportation interviews. It is very lovely to view news articles that demonstrate the ease at which computers can be hacked and passwords retrieved!!! No one is safe. I mean would you rather have a zombie chase you down or have someone hack your computer and see what nefarious deeds you have committed?!? Oh where was I? Ah yes, about to do a blog on a much deeper subject.....

"Toodles"- Ona

http://news.aol.com/article/zombie-road-signs-attack-austin-texas/322482

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Goodness a gracious....

Okay first things first. It has been at least a month that my toilet has not been able to flush the easy way. By the easy way, I mean you just pull the handle and whalla. Apparently, the chain broke and so what did I in my ingeniousness do? I just took the porcelain cover off and reach my hand into the freezing cold water and pull the broken chain myself anytime I need to 'flush'!

Well that would be fine and dandy and as I have proven, we humans learn to adapt until such time as someone comes along to fix my problem...haha. But as luck would have it, now there are other parts leaking inside the toilet and the noise alone is driving me crazy!!! So being the type of person that can do anything I put my mind to, (cant say this is something I want to put my mind to), but due to above said noises, am forced to put my mind to, I asked myself how hard would it be to replace toilet parts.

So I start with the obvious. I peer into my toilet that is most of the time drained of water since Ive been shutting the main water supply off as it is leaking water from somewhere. (My water bill proved that last month.) Being I am not a plumber, I attempt to take note on what types of parts are inside a toilet. I have to be honest with you, I never cared before and hope never to care again! But suffice to say I believe a trip to Wal-Mart is in order since it is right up the street and their prices are reasonable.

So I mosey up to Wal-Mart only to find there are a myriad of toilet parts to be purchased. Help!!! At this time, I spot a man in the same aisle, but I don't want to bother him or have him think I am trying to pick up on him. I mean lets be real, do single people shop at Wal-Mart?!?!? I know I am there, but what are the literal statistics. Maybe I should ask the greeter.

Anyway, so I see something that says universal toilet repair kit. Okay that sounds reasonable and the parts within look like stuff I spotted inside my own porcelain. So I think I am good to go. WRONG. At this time, I spot a flush lever hanging close to the repair kit and I realize that the original problem I had was that the toilet wouldn't flush. So what is the deal? They sell something as a repair kit but leave out one of the parts??! Oh man, please get me back to my day job!!!

Anyway, I am quite pleased with myself that I found all the parts that I need to fix my toilet without having to ask the guy in the aisle :) What happens when I arrive home? Absolutely nothing!! Do you think I really want to fix my toilet? The answer is no!!! lol So the parts sit there for several days and nights and finally I cant take the noise any longer and decide to fix my toilet tonight.

I was so grateful to see there are instructions inside the repair kit! Wow, I think I may just be able to do this. After all, I can repair a broken nail you know. So as I read the instructions, I get lost on where the coupling nut is and where this and that is. But I eventually get it. All I can think of at this point, is why didn't I ask one my guy friends to come over and help me? After all I am a great cook and I totally don't mind doing the dishes. I can purchase beer too since I am legal!!!

Wrapping up this most ridiculous story, I forgot one major major piece to this puzzle. The tools to undo everything!! I must digress and mention that I had been in a LTR for 5 years and it has been 1.5 years that its been over. However, he had purchased extra tools for my house in order to fix things and when we were over and done, he took every little tool back to his small apartment. Well being the resourceful female that I am, I remember that my sons, have a tool kit somewhere in the garage. I am very excited because once I start a project, I want to finish it. Okay so I head downstairs out to the garage, find the tools and find a wrench.

Guess what? It was the wrong size!!! Sigh....I guess I am just not cut out to do man's work. Yes, you heard me man's work!!! Just leave me in the kitchen barefoot and not pregnant...

PS Will let you know when my toilet dilemma is solved. Yes I know you can not wait to hear more on this most fascinating subject.

"If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things"-Plato

Final Acts of Clemency

Reading this story this morning was one of the best pieces of news I've read in a while. Having followed this case very heavily via talk radio, I was outraged at the American judicial system for allowing a Mexican drug smuggler to walk back over the border one month later and state he had been shot in the ass by U.S. Border Patrol Agents and give the bullet to authorities.

What did our supposedly great judicial system do? An investigation of course! No matter that this piece of scum had already been arrested in the U.S. before. Oh no, they go after the two border patrol agents with full vengeance and give them over 10 year sentences in prison! Say what?!? What was comical in this whole situation was the agents in question were Mexican-Americans and the dude they shot was Mexican-Mexican. The usual trump card that would've been played was racism!!! But alas, couldn't do that here....hahaha. Just had to add that little piece of information to this story.

All amusement aside, I am very proud of President Bush for pardoning these gentleman. Below is the complete article should you want to read the watered down story. Trust me the majority of facts are missing from the highly controversial case. What I found very interesting and would like to note was these facts that were present in the article:

Clinton issued a total of 457 pardons or commutations in eight years in office. Bush's father, George H. W. Bush, issued 77 in four years. Reagan issued 406 in eight years, and President Jimmy Carter issued 563 in four years. Since World War II, the largest number of pardons and commutations — 2,031 — came from President Harry Truman, who served 82 days short of eight years. (http://news.aol.com/article/bush-commutes-border-agents-sentences/286363)

Quite interesting to see that democratic presidents tend to pardon the most criminals....

"I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level"- Dana Carvey