Life and Its Lessons....

Ahh...Life and its lessons. Why is it that some seem so ridiculously easy while others seem to leave you dazed and confused with an altered mental status? If I could only answer that question with some sense of rhyme or reason, it might all make some sense. But there is no rhyme or reason in a lesson except that one is weak in that area and needs to shore up the belt. Plain and simple, cut and dry.

My biggest lesson as of late seems to keep repeating itself. I used to shake my head in sadness at my brother because he always seemed to hit the wall at 90 mph while Id cruise up to the wall and go around. Now, it seems I keep hitting the wall at 100 mph and then get up and and do it all over again... Isn't there a saying that goes something like this, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results". Well I guess I am insane based on this definition....lol

I have learned one thing though and that is some people are like swirling tornadoes in their own created whirlwind of energy. And me being the crazy adrenaline junkie that I am, I walk right up to the blazing tornado like a tornado chaser thinking how wild is this! Before you know it, I am sucked into this crazy vortex of energy and it is of no surprise when I get swirled around and around and get pounded that when I break free, I am beat up, dazed and confused going wow, wtf just happened to me?!?!

Uh, Sister, get a clue. Most people are selfish, out for themselves and have more lessons than one could ever complete even if they sat in school their entire life! So why hit the wall at 100 miles an hour? Why even bother going near these types of people who merely are energy vampires. My incredible intuition always spots them in an instance anyway. But my morbid curiosity draws me ever closer like a moth going to the light.

Perhaps, that was the lesson needed at this stage of my life is that I need to stay away from people with more than carry on luggage. As my dear friend stated, "Everyone has baggage, I am just looking for a matching set." I think part of my problem is at heart, I am a very sweet, genuine soul. And no matter how tough my exterior, the soft inner core is always sought after by those that do no inner work of their own to achieve that level of kindness.

My other lesson to learn is I can do nothing to help someone. As much as my heart might bleed for someone, they need to help them self as well as want to help them self. I recently met a Mom at hockey whose sweet 5 year old son was crashed out on the bench of the snack bar table. As we got to talking it turns out he cant sleep at all when his Dad is away on business. Apparently he is a very sensitive soul who cries when others get hurt. It made me flash back to when I was a child, and being the youngest with two older brothers, if they got hurt or in trouble, I would sit and cry for them.

Despite my beginnings, somewhere along the line, I garnered a pretty tough exterior with the ability to state what I think. One of the reasons being that people take advantage of kind hearted people and it didnt take me long to figure that one out. I also acquired a thicker skin from my working environment and from being a manager. It would be enlightening for me to hear what those who arent that close to me think of me. And what would be more fun to see is if I really gave a damn what the hell they thought...hahaha

But no matter how tough I appear on the outside, inside I am still the same sweet soul who sometimes cries with families when their loved one is sick and dying or someone is telling me a touching story about their life. To me it is not a weakness to be kind. What is a weakness is not being grateful to those who have crossed my path regardless of what they have done to me or regardless of the lesson they hand me. Perhaps, that is my life lesson of the moment, to be grateful for this past year even though most of the situations were hurtful and to completely understand my psychology as to the repetitive pattern that seemingly haunts me... And also to drive up to the wall going 100+ mph and go around it. But I must say going 100 miles an hour and hitting that wall in a porsche carrera is a feeling like no other!! hahaha

"The more one judges, the less one loves."- Honore de Balzac